


As the sun rose

by Kittog



Series: ideas lost in a notebook from two or three years ago (we've lost the count) [2]
Category: BLACKPINK (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Road Trip, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, alternate universe: improvised road trip to fix a shattered friend group, coming of age movies clichés revisited but with a shit ton of emotions, or is it more of a hopeful one?? you'll see, ot4 w biiiiiiiiiiiiig emphasis on chaennie, the outcome has nothing to do with the initial idea, this is the most awful thing i've come up with, unexplained emotions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:22:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25548919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kittog/pseuds/Kittog
Summary: They left very suddenly as the sun rose above the white, white, white clouds.
Relationships: Jennie Kim/Park Chaeyoung | Rosé
Series: ideas lost in a notebook from two or three years ago (we've lost the count) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1713046
Comments: 2
Kudos: 24





	As the sun rose

**Author's Note:**

> in which kittog revisits cliché coming of age movie tropes but with a lot more emotions, nostalgia and angst.  
> (spoiler: this work is a little /intense/ and no, i will not apologise)

They left very suddenly as the sun rose above the white, white, white clouds. Chaeyoung’s muscles were tore and her eyes were heavy because of how little and awful she had slept but the coolness of the water she was sipping—fresh from the fridge—was beyond comforting. As they drove along the highway—and fast they were—she thought of the ever so promised beach: the warmness of the sand, the waves hitting their pale skins yet embracing their silhouettes and the high and blazing sun. 

The windows were down, allowing the air to visit them inside the car—Jisoo’s mum’s—stroke their bare arms, make their locks dance along the hectic rhythm of the wind. Although Lisa’s early morning playlist ( _when your body still aches_ ) was being blasted through the engine’s speakers, the voices and the melodies were barely distinguishable. 

Each time she closed her eyes, Chaeyoung secretly hoped her anxious thoughts would let go of her—let go of them—but they never did. The various sceneries and dialogues from the year before played back endlessly in a secret corner of her mind. Beyond all of them: an almost random break held in Saint Mary’s High School’s corridors, backs against their lockers, thumbs widely occupied by their phones, the three of them too caught up in their highschooler realness. 

She perfectly recalled the loud noise which resulted from Jennie slamming her locker’s door, making them jolt in surprise and erasing their smiles off their facial features instantly.

“I so fucking hate this town.” 

Her few words, accompanied by a couple of words typed frantically on the wide and bright screen she held in her delicate palms, took them so aback they never managed to compose some kind of answer. What could they have possibly said? As oppressive and decisive as senior year had become by then, they rarely expressed their will of change in such aggressive manner. In fact,while still in fear of having to let go of their home, they looked forward to it. 

“Jennie?”

“Hm?” 

As she wouldn’t look away from the screen which she purposely hid from them, they couldn’t tell who she was relentlessly texting: Chaeyoung eventually connected the dots—the few ones Jennie had left behind her all those years—but it didn’t quite matter. 

A couple of worried and confused eye contacts later and the bell rang, again, inviting

the students to get in motion. 

_Go to class, open your textbooks, raise your hand, be active not passive, study your SATs and A-Levels once at home, sleep and repeat._

It was okay while it lasted: as stressful as things could have been, their futures were so well planned it all seemed worth it. While Chaeyoung and Jisoo were respectfully heading to law and business school, Lisa would study photography, and Jennie would finally get to live her dream of being a film studies major _._

Towards their last weeks as seniors however, the shift in Jennie’s mood was more and more noticeable. She was more distant, more lost in her thoughts, more and more bored. The four of them still hung out throughout the week and usually spent their saturdays at their favourite local coffee shop, but while they were simply looking forward college, Jennie seemed to crave the need of leaving their hometown and never return for reasons none of the girls could point out and her face reflected nothing more than anger, boredom, and disgust. 

Summer arrived a lot faster than they could have possibly anticipated and left before they could properly say goodbye to one another. A couple of long texts and hurried hugs later and they rushed to their new dorms, the four of them way too far from each other, too dispersed, making the possibility of a reunion even less plausible. 

Time went by and so did their lives. Every single day went how they had imagined, or so it seemed. Each of their feeds—which Chaeyoung caught herself studying more and more as Christmas break approached—reflected the dream routine for any college student: full of iced americanos, quirky and aesthetic mirror as well as a few pics worthy of belonging to a studyblr. 

Out of all of them, Jennie seemed to have the fullest life: her stories were nothing but frat parties held in the dark of the night, fancy coffee shops Chaeyoung wished she could afford, and extravagant shopping hauls. All of it seemed however highly impersonal—as much as she shared it was hard to tell what she was up to: her feed was like a façade, an image she had created for others to admire which reflected nothing of her true self. 

In a way Jisoo and Lisa were no different. 

Neither was she. 

Their friendships were then resumed to a few comments and reactions there and there and little to no talk of a reunion. It was painful and Chaeyoung could feel her heart ache each time she realised how nothing would ever be like the year before. She despised the sensation immensely. 

Winter break arrived along with finals and nostalgia—she figured she probably missed some kind of teenage angst she never felt in the first place on top of the mountain of emotions she experienced on a daily. 

She felt how bittersweet her home and town were through her eyes then as soon as she embraced her parents. Each street she walked, each path that had once been part of her routines had become and endless nostalgic void she couldn’t quite fill.

Lunches, dinners and breakfasts weren’t as they once had been: the discussions held at the table were random, impersonal and out of touch. She felt disconnected from her loved ones—if she could still call them as such—in so many ways she had lost the count. 

Although she managed to properly rest once a few days had passed, hoping desperately she would soon be at peace with herself, the more she was in the house, the more depressed she was. Receiving texts from Lisa and Jisoo didn’t help much—if anything, it made her realise how different the paths they were following were and how unfamiliar both of them had become. 

Their reunion was quick and bland. The same set of awful and oppressing questions was passed to each of them and their answers were just as basic which terrified Chaeyoung as she was sipping her matcha latte, hoping their attempt at socialising would come to an end sooner than ever.

Recalling any highschool memory without Jennie seemed out of place and therefore the subject was never brought up which she was definitely thankful for, facing their last moments together through a couple of awkwardly delivered lines wasn’t on her bucket list. 

Christmas went by but never did her mood. By New Year’s Eve Chaeyoung was more than desperate to head back to college and was practically lurking through each of their social media, scrolling, scrolling, scrolling, wondering what had they done wrong and if there was any way to turn back time and fix as many shattered memories as they could—but maybe she didn’t want to, she couldn't tell. 

No news from Jennie. She had neither posted nor texted any of them and Chaeyoung thought she’d rather not send a sign than text into the void again. 

When her back finally met the firm mattress—a few feet away from her roommate—she decided their friendship, or whatever it was that was between the four of them, should stay in the past and that she had to move on. 

For a while it was harder than she would have expected. Her chest was always tight whenever her memories would catch her and then she couldn’t stop herself from hoping time would go by faster so that her mind would be occupied by her lectures again. 

She eventually made it. 

Their interactions were less and less frequent and more and more basic. _Hope you’re doing well! You look amazing! Emoji, emoji, emoji._ Chaeyoung enjoyed the idea that they were too different from the start, it was easier this way. 

Easter break was just as bland and insanely boring as their previous vacation. 

Lisa never came home and neither did Jisoo. _Finals. I have other plans. Maybe next time? Enjoy your time with your parents though! Oh Chae, I’m so sorry, did you try to reach Jennie?_

She shook her head in the darkness of her room. She didn’t plan to.

  
  
  


* * *

The sudden change of playlist brought her back to reality, or what in her eyes seemed like an awfully strange simulation: the four of them in a “stolen” car (“I like ‘borrowed with love’ a lot better anyways” had snapped Jisoo, earning wide smiles from both Lisa and Jennie then.), en route to meet the ocean and its golden sand. They seemed united somehow—ethereal was the word, everything felt ethereal. 

Jennie let her head rest on Chaeyoung’s shoulder and she didn’t mind one bit: her palm was resting in hers and she was close enough so that she would hear her breath and her whispers. Lucky for her there were many of the latter. 

“What if you hadn’t answered Chae? Do you think we’d still be so dispersed?” 

_Would you have forgotten about me Chae?_

  
  
  


* * *

**July 4th, 11:43pm**

**From: Jennie**

> chae, are you awake? 

The wide open windows weren’t enough to cool down her room nor her heart which was practically jumping off her chest as her eyes read the words again, again and again, the screen so bright she was almost blinded. She blinked, once, twice, thrice, adjusting her dark irises to the light and scrolled through their previous exchanges which she studied hurriedly but there was little to no material. Quickly enough she fell back on the long conversations they used to have throughout senior year. 

_I miss you more than I thought I ever would._

Her fingers slid against the cold screen before she could even fully process the information. 

**To: Jennie**

> what’s up?

Jennie’s answer arrived almost instantly, as if she was also just as glued to her phone as Chaeyoung was. 

**From: Jennie**

> could you go out rn? i’m down the road 

She blinked again. Once, twice, thrice. She scrolled again, looked at her phone, at her clock, at the window, she felt how still warm it was outside her room, and then it hit her that Jennie was down her road, and that they hadn’t been this close geographically speaking in months and she was waiting for her and it didn’t make sense, it didn’t make sense—

She left her room without a noise—exiting a house quietly was a field she definitely was not an expert in but it didn’t stop her—and was met by a comforting breeze as she opened the front door. The moon shined high above her and the sky was clear—free of clouds but full of stars. She admired the world before her, a glimpse of the universe they collectively shared and walked away from the house. Her pace was fast yet thoughts were urging her to walk back home while she still could.

She never looked back. 

If anything, her steps became more and more hurried as she walked through her neighborhood—she hadn’t seen her in months, in months—

_What if I had walked away? I could have, I truly could have but somehow I never did. You’re too magnetic, darling._

And then she saw her beyond the darkness—Jennie’s silhouette. 

_If only I could have stopped time just then. Slow things down._

She got closer, closer and closer, enough so that their eyes would meet and they did: hers were shining in the dark because of how teary they were. She hadn’t changed much since they had last seen each other. Her hair was just as long and her mascara a little messy. 

“You came.”

* * *

“I couldn’t turn back. My mind was so full yet so empty… I can’t stand being at home anymore. Mum is constantly on my back yet she barely asks about my studies, Dad couldn’t care less about law and our country’s juridic system. The more far I am from home, the better… I guess that text of yours felt both like a burden and the perfect escape.” 

She held her hand tighter, holding her close, close, close, she wouldn’t let go, no she wouldn’t. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t try fixing things earlier.” 

_I’m sorry I left without a sign, I’m sorry I let go of you._

* * *

“I have this dream where we leave for the beach and drive for hours. We’d get away early in the morning, hours after a fight with our siblings, allow our rage to grow and escape from this hell of a town. Once we’ll be by the coast the sun would be high above our heads, and things would be okay.” 

Chaeyoung enjoyed the dream. She closed her eyes as Jennie spoke and imagined it all. It felt ethereal— _obviously_ —the four of them rushing to one of their parents’ car, multiple ready-to-explode handbags in hand, in the dark of the night. Holding each other’s hand, smiling to one another, talking, laughing, laughing and laughing

“Our worries would be washed away by the salted sea.” she smiled. 

Chaeyoung looked at her, mouth gaping, listening closely. She breathed, Jennie’s eyes met hers again, shining with excitement. 

The dream was meant to stay locked in their dreamscape for some time—a reunion seemed less and less plausible—but it never did. 

“Jennie?” 

“What if we actually did it? What if we left Chae?”

1:34am. Chaeyoung’s eyes were heavier than ever yet she still picked up the phone, held it against her ear, on the verge of falling asleep—ever since their last encounter, she couldn’t help but think about Jennie’s voice, how comforting it was, how soft it was, how it was like a lullaby you could listen at any time of the day and feel okay. She wanted to speak less and hear more—she wished to be a witness of her words, of her ideas, contemplate her thoughts and convince herself they were still close, there was still _something_ that no one would manage to take away from them.

“What if we left?” she repeated, yawning, yet content she could share such an intimate moment with her again. 

“To the beach. For a week or two. The four of us.” 

There was a long pause. It was nothing like a void: it was their breaths, on each side of the line, one filled with various emotions one could not name and the other with hope, and inspiration. Chaeyoung, no matter how confused and exhausted she was, couldn’t stop herself from picturing Jennie’s shining eyes and how they probably lit her surroundings. The picture was more than enjoyable. 

“Jennie… I don’t—I don’t think we should, I—we haven’t been the four of us in what? More than a year? Lisa and Jisoo… they—our last time together was so awkward, you have no idea—”

“Awkward with a capital A?”

“Awkward with a capital A.” she smiled. 

“Hm… they didn’t seem that awkward when I had them on the phone though?”

Chaeyoung froze instantly. 

When I had them on the phone.

“Chae? Chaeyoung?” 

“What did they say?” 

Another pause. She waited, still, allowing her bed cover to swallow her slowly as she drowned in her sheets, mortified. 

“Lisa was mad, of course. She was the most bitter of the two. She was… frustrated? She thought she couldn’t trust me anymore, that I had changed too much. _You can’t fix the damage you’ve done overnight_ , she said and she’s right. I can’t but I want to try. She also got in a fight with her parents lately—” 

“Did she? I thought they always—” Chaeyoung frowned. 

“—got along? Thought so too but obviously we were both wrong. She can’t stand the city anymore. Wants an escape. I got to see her yesterday and I can see she’s still mad… but she misses you a lot. _So do I._ ” 

Her heart ached at Jennie’s final words but she had decided she would ignore them, it was too late, and she was too tired.

_I miss you, I miss you, I miss you._

_I miss you too._

“What about Jisoo?” she asked away, eyes tearing up, chest tight—oh did she hate crying on the phone. 

“Jisoo? Well, her mum—...let’s just say she’s not having the best time right now. She was so startled when I called her, she almost thought my phone was lagging. I think she’s a little bitter, but she wants to see you and Lisa again. She said—”

“—you had a long way to go to earn each of our trust again?” Chaeyoung finished. 

“Exactly.” Jennie said in a sigh and right then she could feel a glimpse of how heavy her heart was. It carried the blame, hurt, love, self-hatred and regrets of many years. 

“But they’re still down to leave for a while. Reco—reconnect? Reconnect with one another, yeah, that’s how Jisoo put it.”

She breathed. Jisoo always had had this peculiar way of saying things, these words nobody else used but her and “reconnect” was one of them.

“How about next monday?” 

“How does that work out though? Which car are we taking? Which town are we heading towards? Shouldn’t we meet up first—”

“I got it figured out, don’t worry. I’ll call you tomorrow, alright? You should sleep now Chae.”

“Says the one who called me.” she chuckled. 

“You know being contradictory occupies a big part of my brand.” 

“Good night Jennie.” 

“Sleep tight Chae.” 

She turned off her phone as she hung up, the night slowly but surely consuming her within its darkness. Maybe it could work out. Maybe they could be something again. 

* * *

“Hon’? What are you doing?” 

_Fuck_. 

She froze, holding back a massive luggage from decking her on the floor. One thing that had definitely not changed since she had left was the dressing room and how insanely messy it was. Breathless, she tried to compose an explanation but Jennie’s words were the only things she could think of which definitely did not help. 

_What if we actually did it? What if we left Chae?_

It was beyond childish, Chaeyoung knew it. Their plan—Jennie’s—was no better: a series of peculiar events and concerning bucket lists. She wondered how she could have possibly convinced Lisa and Jisoo—Jisoo was so much more responsible and mature, what could Jennie have possibly tell her to make it up to her? Had they all went through the exact same thing without a warning? 

Most likely so. 

“Remember Seulgi, my friend from college? The We’re going away for a week end… next month? ‘was wondering if we had any smaller luggage that we could possibly use, mine is definitely too big for short trips like these. Don’t worry though, I definitely can handle it.”

Her mother’s eyes were definitely not convinced but she couldn’t care less. 

  
  


* * *

She smiled so much her cheeks were aching and her fingers were shaking furiously as she typed text after text to each of the girls. Every single message made her beam yet terrified: not knowing the outcome of their adventures was horrifying for too many reasons she refused to face. 

_What if it doesn’t work out?_

**From: Jisoo**

> hey, it’s a little weird texting you after so long but i got nini’s text last night and thought ‘maybe now is the right time’ so here i am! departure d-4! i was wondering if you could get some old phones w prepaid sim cards?? (it’s one of lisa’s ideas to avoid our parents as long as possible) take care x

_What if it does?_

**To: Jisoo**

> Heeey! departure d-3!
> 
> Surprisingly I managed to get four nokias at the supermarket that would fit whatever task they will be given? Not quite sure how these will help but I also got some prepaid cards as you said :) hope you’re doing okay! 

First texts from Jisoo in three weeks. Things were looking more or less good. 

* * *

**From: Lisa**

> remember when we used to cycle in the woods an hour away from school and eat those super extra colourful sweets? what were their names?? asking for a friend
> 
> (the friend is me, if i can still call myself that and i have no idea how i’m meant to start this convo it’s been too long!! i lov u and miss u a lot trust me, srry for not being vvv vocal about it) 

She laughed so much she thought she would soon explode. 

**To: Lisa**

> do you mean skittles??????
> 
> (it’s okay, i love you too :) )

* * *

**From: Jennie**

> Monday 5:30am @ the crossroad 

**To: Jennie**

> noted. whose car are we taking?? 

  
  


* * *

She left by the front door without a noise. It was a little cold and her bags were heavy with too many items she refused to let go of as well as everything Lisa, Jisoo and Jennie had asked her to bring along. They were heavy with fresh new things and overflooding memories. 

Among the quietness of the street, a loud noise: tires against asphalt. Was she late? 

Her feet moved before she could check her phone. Fast, fast, fast she went, more or less sure of herself. 

Seeing the car—Jisoo’s mother’s car—stopping at the crossroad made her eyes get wider and wider and her pace faster and faster. She hadn’t ran that fast in months—a year? Had it been a whole year? Had it been two? 

Who cared. 

The passenger door opened itself and the windows went down, revealing both Jennie’s and Lisa’s faces: glowing and beaming, hair tossed into messy buns and ponytails. Without any hesitation she threw her bags by the passenger door and hopped into the car which kicked off instantly, the door still wide open. 

“Jisoo what the heck? Could you please slow down—”

“My mum just rang me, she probably noticed we ‘borrowed’ her car a little too early. Knowing that we’re four minutes away from my place and that by taking my dad’s car my mum could possibly catch up on us… That leaves us about minutes to exit the city but we need to go by roads my parents never take—hence the speed.” 

Chaeyoung looked at the dark haired, incredulous, slamming the passenger door to make sure it’d stay close. 

“It’s good to see you by the way, it’s been quite a while, Chae.” 

She smiled in the rearview. 

* * *

They left very suddenly as the sun rose above the white, white, white clouds. Chaeyoung’s eyes were heavy and her muscles were tore, but Jennie’s hand in her hair was comforting enough. Their palms resting on each other’s side, they could feel their pulse and how warm their bodies were under the sunlight invading the car. Lisa and Jisoo were humming along the songs, exchanging laughs and looks with them through the rearview. They were far from home but close to one another, close to their hearts and their thoughts. It did feel okay, in fact it felt just fine.

Chaeyoung breathed and as she closed her eyes, she thought of the promised beach.

**Author's Note:**

> there there there!  
> maybe i am truly unable to not write angst! maybe that's all i'm good at!! am i sorry?? will i apologise? absolutely not! you won't get a sorry from me! there are many question marks left unanswered in this and tbh i don't even feel like adressing them. that's my favourite cliché right here. friendships broken for reasons™. characters feeling overwhelming emotions which are left unexplained. that's my brand right there. leave it or take it. love me or hate me. do as you wish.  
> don't hesitate to leave a kudo and/or a comment on the fic! this was my first time doing a blackpink fic (as in blackpink was the only group in the fic) and i had a lot of fun writing that one! i hadn't written in a very long time (internships and online exams did not help) and didn't quite feel like jumping back onto Knives Out (current ongoing chaptered fic) just yet! hope you enjoyed this one! i aodre coming of age/teen movies!! i love revisiting clichés!! yes yes yes!!take care and stay safe!


End file.
